Pierced for Our Pumpkin Pie
November 20, 2023
This morning I completed my 100th workout with my Burn Boot Camp community. Stepping back into a relationship with exercise after eating disorder treatment was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It challenged me physically to intensely move my body for the first time in two years. It challenged me mentally to not beat myself up for having to be very patient with the progress and not listen to the eating disorder thoughts when they got loud. It challenged me spiritually to give Jesus my surrender in not finding my peace and security in working out but in who He is and who I am in Him. I had to learn to trust Him with my body, my performance, my mindset, and my eating to fuel my workouts instead of not eating to punish my body. Getting back into exercise meant having to be extremely cautious with making sure I was doing it in a healthy way, not hand-in-hand with the eating disorder. It meant having to be vulnerable with my support system. It meant having to white-knuckle through frustration and comparison. It meant having to say no to the enemy when he tried to get me to revert to old ways. It didn’t look perfect and there will still be days that challenge my growth.
But it also meant there were so many moments of joy. It meant exhausted smiles in the middle of a jump squat when you make eye contact with a gym friend. It meant countless high fives and “you got this!” chants. It meant stepping out of my comfort zone. It meant finding confidence in myself as I grew stronger. It meant laughter as we looked around at each other with wide eyes in anticipation of a hard workout. And I know that all of these moments will continue to come.
My people here at Burn have been with me every step of the way. They have challenged me, pushed me, and held me accountable when I wanted to give up. They have cheered me on and pointed out my progress. They have taught me that I don’t have to focus on numbers to be successful in the gym. They have checked in with me about my eating disorder recovery to make sure I’m adequately fueling my body. I have walked out of every single camp with a smile on my face.
I can’t help but pause to reflect on this journey and just stand in adoration at what God has allowed me to experience. I’ve prayed some bold prayers for healing in the past few years to get to this point and the Lord has been so faithful to pull me out of the pit I was in. He didn’t have to rescue me from turning to and wrestling with the enemy, food, depression, suicide, over-exercise, perfectionism, and pain on top of pain. Yet He did it because He calls me His daughter.
If you’re struggling with food, body image, exercise, and all the shame that comes with struggling with those things, this reminder is for you. If you’re struggling in any area of life right now, this reminder is for you too…
“But He was pierced because of our rebellion, crushed because of our iniquities; punishment for our peace was on Him, and we are healed by His wounds” (Isaiah 53:5).
Jesus was pierced.
Jesus was crushed.
Jesus was punished.
Jesus was wounded.
Jesus withstood the cross for us. And this prophesy of His death in the book of Isaiah was fulfilled to every single detail. Jesus was wounded when He was whipped, beaten, and scourged so that we may be healed. He was punished with a crown of thorns on His head for our peace. He was crushed on the cross to take the weight of our sin. He was pierced to forgive our rebellion.
To confirm that Jesus was dead, the Roman soldiers stuck a spear up under His ribcage to puncture Jesus’ heart. Out of His chest poured a mixture of blood and water, the medical sign of a ruptured heart. How did Jesus ultimately die? He died of a broken heart. He died of a broken heart for you and for me. This is a love that could never be matched.
I am where I am today because of the love and grace of Christ. It seems like such a small feat when it comes to being able to healthily exercise again. But when I think about what Jesus did and went through to bring me healing in this area, as well as every other area of my life, this is no small feat. This is the fruit of our Savior’s victory over death and hell. He is so worthy of my praise in everything I do.
Thanksgiving is this week and I know all the meals, different foods, and lack of routine causes stress for some people. Maybe your stress is about the food. Maybe your stress is about a certain gathering or family member. Maybe your stress is about missing some days in the gym because you’re spending time with family and friends. No matter where the anxiety and stress and worry is coming from, Jesus wants to be with you in it and He wants to bring you into His joy and perfect peace.
He was pierced to save you from the enemy’s lies. He was crushed to give you a life of abundance. He was crowned with thorns to give you peace with food, exercise, and your body. He was wounded to heal you.
I’m saying this to myself too as we go into this holiday. Thanksgiving meals and being out of routine brings up a lot of past memories and eating disorder thoughts, even though I know I’m healed and have freedom in Jesus. I will be reading this daily, armoring up against the enemy as he tries to bring me back to bondage during a more vulnerable time.
Here’s my challenge for you and me. When the lies of the enemy consume your mind and taking that bite of pumpkin pie makes you think you’re a failure, ask yourself this… “Is giving in to this lie bearing fruit of my Savior’s victory over death and hell? Is giving in to this lie acting in a way that shows God He is so worthy of my praise?”
Jesus was pierced.
Jesus was crushed.
Jesus was punished.
Jesus was wounded.
Out of Jesus’ chest poured a mixture of blood and water, the medical sign of a ruptured heart. How did Jesus ultimately die? He died of a broken heart. He died of a broken heart so that we could live abundantly in joy, peace, and freedom.
This Thanksgiving week, this truth means I can take extra rest days and not feel shame. This truth means I can eat more than what feels comfortable and taste all the desserts and not be a failure or believe I’ve diminished my worth. This truth means I can be reminded of past hurt and not let it lead me into a spiral. And this truth is not just applicable on holidays. Jesus didn’t die on the cross to give us healing on just a few days of the year. This truth is our reality every single day, in every single circumstance.
Is giving in to this lie bearing fruit of my Savior’s victory over death and hell? Is giving in to this lie acting in a way that shows God He is so worthy of my praise? Is giving in to this lie living from the reality that Jesus was pierced, crushed, punished, and wounded for me because He loves me?
These questions will let you take that bite of pumpkin pie with a smile on your face. Let’s remember who He is and what He’s done for us this week… and every week for the rest of our lives.