There is a River

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January 26, 2024

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Much to learn

from that forty-sixth psalmist.

Beginning with God,

not the circumstance.

Dwell– a verb.

A choice,

what will I choose to ruminate?

Looked into the eyes

of depression.

The face of total destruction.

Hopelessness

that glorifies death

But– 

an ever-present help in trouble.

Void of life,

slave to desiring a last breath.

There is a River.

Refuge– מַחֲסֶה (Hebrew, maḥăsê),

shelter from falsehood.

Therefore– 

we will not fear.

Though this and this and this,

inevitable war.

Also inevitable?

God’s final say.

Much to learn

from that forty-sixth psalmist.

There is a River.

The one to come

flowing through Jerusalem.

Future reality

already in mind.

Look into the eyes of depression.

No–

Come, 

see the works of the Lord.

Reciting, remembering His goodness.

Engrain deep in the memory,

Who was, Who is, Who is to come.

Much to learn

from that forty-sixth psalmist.

Selah– 

the instruction to stop and listen.

My Refuge,

He speaks of His ultimate triumph.

It is certain.

No longer looking

into the eyes of depression.

For there is a River.

I wrestled with sharing this poem. I’m just coming out of a nasty few days of depression, the heaviest my depression has felt in over a year. And it’s funny how the enemy will tell you that no one needs to know, that you’re a burden for needing help, that you should just “be strong” and seem to have it all put together. I am so grateful that where I am weak, He is strong. So here is the poem I wrote in the time where my hurting heart was finding refuge, rebuking the enemy’s attempt to silence what Jesus wants to hear so that He can meet us where we need His saving grace. 

Upon hearing that I was struggling, one of my professors told me that she was praying Psalm 46 over me. Studying this psalm in depth was exactly what my heart needed. “Let us sing the forty-sixth psalm in concert; and then let the devil do his worst.” This quote from John Trapp sums up how my spirit felt after reading Psalm 46. For when we sing of who God is and what He has done, is doing, and will do forever, the enemy has nothing. This is a reality we get to live in right now. 

The forty-sixth psalmist begins his psalm with proclaiming who our God is. Most other psalms begin with a description of the crisis or circumstance. How often do we fixate on what is happening rather than on the One who breathes life into dry bones? How can we be intentional in knowing that we get to choose what we fixate on? 

He is our ever-present help in trouble. God isn’t giving us strength from afar. His gentle and heart-felt desire to be near to the brokenhearted is personal. It is near and it is always with us. Therefore we will not be afraid. “Therefore” is a word we often overlook, but it holds a detail that changes what the truth of God as our ever-present refuge means for us. “Therefore” allows us to apply logic of faith. Because God is our refuge, then we will not fear. He is not telling us not to fear without a very real promise behind it… a promise that has nothing to do with us and everything to do with who He is. My depression, doubt, and fear is a fleshly attempt to rob God of His honor– an attempt because He is lovingly sovereign and nothing I do is capable of changing His goodness to me. Therefore, I will not be afraid. 

“There is a river– its streams delight the city of God, the holy dwelling place of the Most High. God is within her; she will not be toppled. God will help her when the morning dawns. Nations rage, kingdoms topple; the earth melts when He lifts His voice. The Lord of Armies is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold” (Psalm 46:4-7). 

The picture of a river flowing through the city of God is significant because Jerusalem, the city of God’s people, was the only geographical major city that did not have a river flowing through it. The rivers of the other major cities sustained the peoples’ lives by allowing for agriculture and trade with other cities. But Jerusalem had God, sustaining the lives of His people– like a river. Like Jerusalem, what sustenance feels, or is, absent from your life that you need to invite God to flow into?  

The earth melts at the sound of His voice. We get to live under the refuge of God, who’s mere whisper melts the earth. Why do we believe the lie that the enemy, the depression, won’t melt at the sound of His voice? “Come, see the works of the Lord…” (Psalm 46:8a). Here, the psalmist extends the invitation to choose what we will fix our eyes, heart, and mind on. By remembering and reciting the mighty acts of our God, we train the pathways in our hearts and minds to call on Jesus instead of giving in to hopelessness. Why do we let the same pattern of Satan's tricks override the countless evidence of God’s protection and providence?

Selah. I had to look this one up. It’s one of the “random” words that may be scattered among the words of the psalms, a liturgical or musical mark or instruction with the direction to stop and listen. The placement of “Selah” throughout Psalm 46 challenges the reader to stop and listen, to reflect, at crucial points in the deeper meaning of the psalm. In the midst of the chaos, the inevitable battles we will face, how often do we stop and listen for what God wants us to hear? Sometimes this can be hard. When my mind is bogged down and my heart feels defeated, it gets hard for me to connect to what I know is true about my Savior. I am so grateful for my community who can hold onto the hope and the truth for me, loving me through the pain and holding my hand to the other side. We were not meant to fight our battles alone. Who are your people that remind you that there is a River? 

If you are struggling with depression right now– You are wanted here. You belong. You were created with purpose and for a purpose. What you feel right now is not your reality. It is temporary and there is hope to get past it– remember who holds the final victory. No one can tell you that you’re weak or that you’re not in pain right now. Both of those statements are far from true. It takes a warrior to fight this battle and it does not define who you are. Depression is the most painful thing I have ever faced, so I get it. But it’s not real. I don’t mean that it’s not real in the way you feel it. I mean that it is not real because our God has a reality of life and abundance for you, right now. It’s okay that you can’t connect to that right now. Let your people do it for you. You are worthy of being fought for. Oh, how my heart aches for you. But, oh, the joy I have in knowing we have a Father who is our refuge. He will pull you out of the pit. He’s pulled me out more than once. Please don’t try to fight this alone. We cannot fight this alone. Call your people. Call on God. There is a River. 

To my First Love,

Today I lift up the people who are hurting, who want to give in to the depths of depression. Lord, make it so evident to them that You are their refuge… their ever-present refuge. I speak healing over their minds and hope over their hearts. Father, open their eyes to see that You want to meet them right there in the pain. Open their eyes to see that You conquered death and hell to free them from this. Lord, You are faithful to sustain Your people. May we forever thirst for Your river.

Amen