Life Update
August 21, 2021
Hi friends!!
Life has been crazy busy, but so very sweet! I want to share a few crucial life milestones and an answer to this question that I’ve been asked a lot lately: "Do you still have eating disorder thoughts?" I've missed writing and sharing things with y'all. My prayer for this new season of my life, which I will share all about here in a moment, is that I will be able to post about new life experiences for y'all to (hopefully) relate to and be encouraged by! Here we go!
February 21, 2021 ~ COMMITTED TO BAYLOR UNIVERSITY!!!
Bigggg decision, but I couldn't have been more excited. I chose Baylor because of the community of believers I had met on campus while visiting the university. The Lord was really calling me to focus on discipleship and ministry and Baylor felt like an avenue to this call. It’s been thrilling to give it to Jesus and follow in His goodness for my life.
April 4, 2021 ~ EASTER!!!
Last Easter I was in treatment. I was away from my family and in a place of darkness.
But I had people around me... The girls in treatment with me, my treatment team, my Christian counselor... Who were hugging me tight and telling me that Jesus died for me so that I could be born again... Because He loves ME.
God knew I needed to be there. He knew I needed to be that girl, being loved by others. He was refining me to become more like Jesus... Putting me in a dark tomb to then see the light and rise again into new life. Thank you, Jesus.
The Saturday after the Good Friday that Jesus died on the cross, the world lost all hope. BUT - SUNDAY WAS COMING!!!! THE Sunday- the day Jesus defeated death- was coming. I was living in a state of lost hope. I was living in that Saturday over and over again. I didn’t know Sunday was coming, and now I have the gift of that truth. Sunday came. Death was defeated. Sin was conquered. Because my Savior took the nails for me. For us all.
It was hard to be in treatment on Easter. But that’s where the true meaning of Easter really sunk deep in my heart. I finally realized that because of Christ’s death, I could come into His presence... I could live a new life.
I needed to be that girl, hurting and in darkness, hugged on by angels that the Lord placed in my life. He had me there because He wanted to teach me what His resurrection meant for my life. I was lost, but now I’m found. Actually, I was found before I was ever lost.
Through the resurrection of Christ, we have new life. Our Savior is FOR US. So who could ever be against us? If you are living in the Saturday of lost hope... Know that Sunday is coming. Sunday came. He rose again. Christ Jesus died for us and was raised for us, sitting at the right hand of the Father, interceding on our behalf and loving us without cease. What a gift.
Step into your new life with Christ. It’s so bright. I am praying for the fullness of God to envelope your hearts today and the days to come.
Happy belated Easter, friends. I love you, and God loves you so much more, that He sent His Son to die for YOU. Rest in that truth today.
May 28, 2021 ~ GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL!!! Class of 2021, we did the thing!!! May 28th was a day full of PRAISING the Lord for getting me through four years of chaos, hardship, sweetness, memory-making, hurt, struggle, laughter, community, and some of the greatest core memories. Truly, I could not even imagine struggling without the Lord’s hand in my life... I could never imagine the sweetness in life without the Lord. What a GIFT, my friends!! See ya later, HPISD!!
Okay... Leaving sports that came so naturally with being in high school has been hard. I'm no longer in a routine of training and practice and workouts. Plus, I decided to let my body rest and rejuvenate for six months before working out again. I knew my body needed rest, and my mind needed a break from the constant thought that I have to be working out to earn the right to eat. I'm letting my mind retrain itself to this belief: I can and need to fuel my body adequately regardless of the exercise it's getting. It was hard at first... The rest... But it's going well now. I eat and fuel my body and I don't worry about the calories in, calories burned situation any longer. Plus that’s not even how food works. Our bodies are so much more complex than that. Thank you, Jesus, for HEALING!!!
June 22, 2021 ~ MET MY COLLEGE ROOMIE!!! Okay, wow... What a SWEET day!!! Kaitlyn and I found each other on the Baylor 2025 Instagram page... We talked over Face Time ONE TIME and KNEW God had put us together for a reason. Praise the LORD! It was totally meant to be. Soooo much love right here!!
July 6, 2021 ~ SUMMER VACATIONS!!! My family went to the beach for a week... We had the best time together... But we've talked through the combo of mental health and vacation (especially at the beach with an eating disorder) before... It can be really challenging. But, this summer, I felt super grateful…
Grateful for the sound of the waves
Grateful for kisses from the sun
Grateful for family time
Grateful for quiet mornings in the Word
Grateful for beach walks in prayer
Grateful for cousin snuggles
Grateful for my body
I’m grateful for my body. And I’m constantly reminding myself of all that God created it to do. Past summers at the beach have been miserable. Last summer I couldn’t go and maintain recovery at the same time. But this year… This year I was on the beach and in the waves and I was just so grateful. God is good. His healing is full of redemption and restoration and experiencing that on this trip was a dream. A dream that came true. Praising the Lord for His new mercies EVERY morning!!!
July 13, 2021 ~ CELEBRATED 19 YEARS OF LIFE!!! It was such a special day... My favorite part was worshiping the One True King that evening at the Porch (for Watermark young adults) with such intentional and steadfast friends. Y'all... There was and is no better way to end the day than with JESUS!!!
“Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus, You silence fear
Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus
Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus, You silence fear
Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus
Your name is a light that the shadows can't deny
Your name cannot be overcome
Your name is alive forever lifted high
Your name cannot be overcome”
“Tremble” Mosaic MSC
August 15, 2021 ~ MY BAPTISM DAY!!!
By far the most special day of my nineteen years so far. Thanking the Lord for NEW LIFE!!!! And the people I get to celebrate that with. Wow. Still in awe of His goodness on that day and every day.
My Father continues to show up. Jesus continues to be my best friend. And the Holy Spirit continues to fill me with fire. PRAISE JESUS!!! Literally just over here in my dorm room (YEP... MOVED IN... Keep reading!!) drooling over that day.
Hey!! Ask me about JESUS!!
Romans 6!!!
August 19, 2021 ~ MOVE IN TO BAYLOR DAY!!! Wow... Officially in college. And couldn't be more excited. But... Real talk- this transition is hard. Change is hard. But I know that I'm not alone in this new season of life. My Father is right with me every step of the way. Kaitlyn, my sweet roommate, is sticking by my side. And, I've got some pretty cool Baylor friends surrounding me during this time! SIC' EM BEARS!!!
So, to sum it all up, I'm just super super super THANKFUL!!! And am happily in an ongoing, lifelong season of praising the Lord for what He has done, is doing, and will do in my life!!! That doesn't mean it isn't difficult or won’t be difficult at times. I want to choose to praise Him in the midst of hard seasons. I'm finding my joy in the Lord and not in my circumstances.
"Do you still have eating disorder thoughts?"
Simply put, yes. Each day is a battle in my mind. I'm human, living as a fallen sinner in a fallen world. I still battle my mental health. Some days are way easier than others. But I’ve found a hope that never fades... My spirit has been born again with Christ and I have received a right standing with Him, not because of my own doings, but because Jesus died on the cross for me. My body, mind, will, and emotions were not born again... but my spirit was. Because my body was not born again in the new birth, I will have to do something with it. I will have to present it to God as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1). And I will have to do something with my mind. I will have to renew my mind with the Word (Romans 12:2). The Holy Spirit has been sent to us to deal with our flesh and its desires. Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh.
When we renew our mind, will, and emotions, our actions will follow. When I'm struggling, I am most likely not operating out of the Holy Spirit, I am operating from my own spirit. Renewing my mind in the Word creates a renewed energy and a brightened countenance within me, allowing the Holy Spirit to work through me.
What spirit are YOU walking in? As fallen people we will not walk with the Holy Spirit from time to time, creating chaos and distress in our lives. But as a believer, our new birth comes with the gift of a renewed spirit - the Holy Spirit.
I still struggle with eating disorder thoughts, anxious thoughts, and depressed thoughts. But as a new creation in Jesus, I’m learning daily how to take the thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. Thoughts don’t always mean captivity.
Ask yourself what spirit you are operating out of. Are you struggling? Maybe you're focusing on the wrong things. When we're focused on ourselves and our problems, there is no room to focus on the Lord. Let's change that by taking our thoughts captive. Are you joyful? Check in with yourself and your walk with Jesus and see if you're finding your joy in the Lord instead of in your circumstances. For circumstances are fleeting. The Lord is not! Keep pushing through. The Holy Spirit is dwelling within us. Can I get a good amen?!