Rock Bottom
July 30, 2020
Rock bottom... the lowest possible level. Have any of you been there? If you are feeling like your life is at rock bottom right now, or if you have ever reached the low of life, I have a quote for you that spoke to me at my lowest.
"Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom in order for Jesus to show you He is the rock at the bottom." -Ryan Meadows
I read this quote in a devotional one morning. It really opened my eyes. It brought to light what God wanted me to learn from my lowest point.
At the beginning of 2020, while in a treatment center, I was sent to a psych hospital to stabilize my safety. I was in a place where I truly did not want to take another breath. I was ready for the trial to be over, and, therefore, I was ready for my life to be over.
I was handcuffed and put in the back of a police car to be sent to the hospital. I remember the cold, heavy handcuffs on my wrists. I remember crying in the back of the police car... just willing for it all to end. I had run out of my own strength to fight. Once in the psych ER, I spent all night waiting to be transferred to another hospital, fearfully watching other tormented people come and go. The next morning, I was put on a stretcher, wheeled into an ambulance, and made my way to a different hospital that had an available bed. Stripped of my clothes and put into a paper hospital gown, I felt completely alone. My heart ached more than ever before.
Then I hit rock bottom. The room I was admitted to was already full, so I was on the cold, tile floor, a single sheet to cover my freezing body. No pillow, no mattress, no clothes. My thoughts were darker than they had ever been. I was surrounded by the enemy in a very tangible way and I felt like there was no way out. I just cried.
"Lord, I don't know what to ask for other than strength to take the next breath. Lord, give me the strength to take the next breath. Lord, give me the strength to take the next breath." I repeated it over and over again. That was all I knew to say... all I could muster up the strength to say. I audibly heard Him say back to me, “I am right here. This is not the end.” And so I continued to breathe. One breath at a time.
I wouldn't change that experience for the world. That memory may still bring up pain, but it also brings joy to know that the Lord was holding me through it. It brings me joy to know that the Lord had a plan in that moment, He always has and He always will. All I had in that moment was Jesus, and that was enough. Jesus is enough. That's what I learned that night. Jesus is enough.
"Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom in order for Jesus to show you He is the rock at the bottom." -Ryan Meadows
If you lay down at night and have nothing… you have Jesus... and that is enough. He's got you in His hands. Look up at Him. He’s all we will ever need.
"Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4
Join me in considering trials as moments to stop and rejoice. Knowing that the Lord can and will use our trials to strengthen our faith, reach the lost, and glorify His name.
What hardship can you rejoice in today? How can you look at your pain with an eternal perspective?