September is suicide prevention month… This month makes my own story feel heavier. The grief of missing my uncle, whom we lost to suicide, feels heavier. The struggles of those close to me, and far from me, feel heavier… There’s so much I want to say… But at times, when I think of what I want to say… I still feel speechless. The ache in my heart is too great for words to bear.

But as I sit here and let the thoughts pour out, I’m realizing what the Lord is teaching me in this season as the battle feels never-ending: Life can be hard and messy but that doesn’t change who He is. How often do I forget that having the joy of the Lord is never based on my own circumstances?!

I’m thankful God’s character isn’t dependent on what happens in this fallen world. I’m thankful that the brutality and the worst of pains isn’t the end for us— that Mack is in the arms of Jesus where suffering is no more.

I felt as if I was watching my life slip away in slow motion as the days went on and the desire to give up entirely grew stronger. 

Reminder that taking your thoughts captive takes practice and strength that comes only from Jesus. You’re not failing at letting God transform your mind if certain thoughts and fears trigger your body into a fight, flight, or freeze response.

His love is constant, it reaches out to us and pursues us without cease. I can’t think of a greater love than the image in my mind of the father who ran to meet his prodigal son. We have a Father who runs to meet us wherever we are, His open arms wrapping us in an endless love.

So here is the poem I wrote in the time where my hurting heart was finding refuge, rebuking the enemy’s attempt to silence what Jesus wants to hear so that He can meet us where we need His saving grace.

…Oh, what a truth I want to live out as a reality we can live in today because of the mighty work of Jesus. How are you going to live in a way that speaks the name of Jesus? What vision of our Father are you going to show others as you let your faith remain active in love for God and all of His people?

I can’t help but wonder what chains will fall and what revival will break out if we shift our new year expectations of bettering ourselves to holding the expectation that, when we give God our yes and remain obedient, He will work for our good and His glory.